Lagoon May Cry
by GCAPDTL
Summary: What would happen if the crew of Devil may cry and Black Lagoon got together? You will find out!
1. Chapter 1

**Black Lagoon X DMC**

**Chapter 1**

It was a usual, sweltering hot day in the offices of the Black Lagoon, and the lingering air of boredom was making it all the worse. The four man crew was doing their best to stay occupied. Revy was lying on her back across the couch re-reading her only issue of "Movie Today" for what must have been the hundredth time. Normally Dutch would be drinking himself into a coma, but not this time. He'd had his fill of beer for the day and was idly flicking an empty can with his fingers. Benny had not much else to do but continue updating the computer software. Rock, however, was quite busy. He had a whole mountain of paperwork to do. He was used to this kind of work, as it was not much different from what he did before he joined the Black Lagoon crew.

This had become routine for them. Benny's typing, Dutch's tapping, and the incessant scratching of Rock's pencil and through it all, not a word was spoken. This wound Revy up to no end, but she never let it show until now. Revy snapped to an upright seat.

"Motherfucker!" she screamed, throwing her magazine at the back of Rock's head. Rock, however, picked the exact right time to get a closer look at his numbers as the magazine hit the wall in front of him. "I'm motherfucking bored! How the fuck long have we been sitting here on our asses doing nothing but watch the goddamn mold grow!?"

"We don't have mold in this building," Benny chimed in. This only aggravated Revy further, "You wanna die, Benny!" she screamed. "No, you already asked me that once before. Answer's still the same," Benny said, not even turning to face his furious associate. Revy growled as she grabbed one of her holstered guns, but before she could threaten Benny for the fifth time that week the phone rang. Killing Benny would have to wait.

Revy yanked the phone off the wall, and despite her foul mood she tried to sound professional.

"Yeah, what the hell do you want?"

"Hello Rebecca, its Balalaika."

Hearing Balalaika's name sent a shiver down her spine. Balalaika was one of the few people who could do that her.

"So what the hell do you want?"

"Since you asked so politely, I think I have a job you would be interested in."

The prospect of money and action intrigued Revy. This was just the kick in the ass she and the crew needed to pull them out of this slump.

"A job!? Fuck yeah! When and where?"

"My aren't we excited. But I'm afraid because of my busy schedule, I can't give you these details over the phone. Instead, you'll get that from a few of my hired associates at The Yellow Flag."

"Hey, that's perfect! I could use a drink."

"I should tell you that these associates will accompany you during this mission."

Revy felt betrayed by this sudden development. Didn't Balalaika trust her to get the job done by herself anymore?

"WHAT?! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET THE NERVE TO HIRE MORE FUCKING HELP THAT'LL JUST GET IN MY WAY, AND IF THEY SURVIVE I JUST HAVE TO GIVE THEM A CUT OF THE PAY!? WHAT THE FUCK, BALALAIKA!?"

"My mission, my rules. And if you don't like it, I can give the mission to someone else."

Balalaika hung up the phone without another word. This was just another one of the things that pissed Revy off and she dealt with it the only way she knew how. She threw the phone across the room at Rock's vulnerable head. Rock was ready for this and caught the phone as it came dangerously close to hitting him. He proceeded to put the phone back in its cradle and stood up.

"Well," Rock began, straightening his shirt, "Let's go to The Yellow Flag."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Meanwhile, in the city of Roanapur, a rather odd trio of men was making their way through the streets. Actually, there was nothing particularly odd about them, except that they all had stark white hair and exceptionally large swords. The younger man in particular had what looked like a motorcycle throttle on his sword's handle and wouldn't take his right hand out of his pocket. They drew stares from the usual cutthroats and misfits that walked the streets.

"Well, no doubt about it: we're lost," said Dante, the man in red. His older twin brother in blue, Vergil, could only shake his head in disapproval at Dante.

"We wouldn't be lost if you didn't take that stupid shortcut of yours," he replied curtly. "Or maybe if you didn't sell our map for a pizza that you never got because the man was a damned charlatan."

"Sorry, big brother, but I haven't eaten in almost a day. You know I don't think clearly when I'm hungry."

Vergil glared at his brother. The glare was enough for Dante to know that his brother wanted to kill him. "You don't think clearly ever, you fool! You ate on the boat half an hour ago!"

The younger one, named Nero, decided to put an end to the two older men bickering and approached a prostitute who was working her corner for directions.

"Hey," Nero called to the woman, "You know where me and my brothers can get a drink? Maybe some food?"

The woman looked Nero over from head to toe assessing what kind of a good time they could have together. He was young, and the young ones were the most fun for her.

"Yeah, I know a place," she said, giving Nero quite a show a cleavage, "Follow me to The Yellow Flag. We can grab a few drinks and a room."

Nero smiled at her offer. She was a very attractive woman with a very attractive offer, but he was spoken for by Kyrie and she was the only girl for him.

"Sorry, but I just want directions," he said with a friendly wave of his left hand. This let the woman down a little, but not so much that she didn't stop smiling. She motioned down the road for him.

"At the end of this road, take a right. Then keep going until you see a building that says 'Yellow Flag' on the front."

"Thanks." Nero reached into his coat and produced a tip for the woman. "Here, for the advice."

"Thanks, sugar."

"No problem."

Nero headed back over to his brothers, who were still arguing. Now they were talking about the Temen-Ni-Gru incident that happened before he was even born. They told him about it, but he didn't really pay much mind. All that mattered was that the demons couldn't invade the human world.

"Hey, I got a lead," Nero said over his two brothers arguing. This didn't stop them from their bickering though. "I got a lead to some food and drinks." That got their attention. "Perfect, now we can stop this incessant prattle" Vergil said, "So long as Dante doesn't eat all of the pizza again!" "You know I can't resist anything with pepperoni," said Dante with a smirk, "Besides I'm not the one who got sea sick Vergil!" Vergil was now very annoyed with his twin and put his hand on his sword. "That has nothing to do with anything," he growled.

Nero decided to end this all by goading them toward the Yellow Flag, "C'mon hot heads let's go!" The twins exchanged a brief glance, as if to let each other know that this wasn't over. As they started to walk, Vergil suddenly hesitated. "Wait where are the documents?" he said. However, he and Nero both knew why they were missing "Dante!"

Dante only shook his head in disapproval at his brothers' lack of faith. "Calm down, they're right here." Said Dante as he pulled a manila folder out from his back pocket showing them both. "Now lets go get some chow!" They start walking in the direction the prostitute told the to go.

When they finally arrived at the bar they drew only more stares from the crowd of ruffians and thugs that were usually found there. The smell of booze, cigarette smoke and, oddly (or maybe not so oddly) piss permeated the atmosphere. The three half-devils were scanned their surroundings. "I've been to nicer dives in the bottom levels of hell," Vergil said, completely unamused by the atmosphere.

His brothers were equally despaired by the place, "I guess all we do now is wait," Dante muttered, "Let's see what they got to drink."

Vergil shook his head, "You two see if they have any rum. I need to use the bathroom. Try not to eat all the food while I'm gone." Dante feigned hurt at his brother's words, "There you go again with that lack of faith, big brother. Don't worry and go take your leak." Vergil responded with a glare, "I don't have to 'take a leak' as you put it. Privacy is all I need."

"Right, privacy," Nero said with a cock of his head, "No judgements here." Vergil let out one last grumble as he left for the bathroom. His brothers made their way to the bar where they ordered their beer and some pizza as they waited for their contacts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Greetings loyal readers!**** GCAPDTL here! Sorry that i haven't written anything in the beginning of my stories but do hope you have enjoyed this first fanfic of ours. My friend and I are the creators of this fanfic. If you have any ideas that you may want to see happen to this fanfic, feel free to Private Message me your idea. Now anyways on with the story! Oh yea Please no request for yaoi i can't bring myself to try writing that.**

**Disclamer: i do not own Black Lagoon or Devil May Cry**

**Chapter 3**

When they finally arrived at the bar they drew only more stares from the crowd of ruffians and thugs that were usually found there. The smell of booze, cigarette smoke and, oddly (or maybe not so oddly) piss permeated the atmosphere. The three half-devils were scanned their surroundings. "I've been to nicer dives in the bottom levels of hell," Vergil said, completely unamused by the atmosphere.

His brothers were equally despaired by the place, "I guess all we do now is wait," Dante muttered, "Let's see what they got to drink."

Vergil shook his head, "You two see if they have any rum. I need to use the bathroom. Try not to eat all the food while I'm gone." Dante feigned hurt at his brother's words, "There you go again with that lack of faith, big brother. Don't worry and go take your leak." Vergil responded with a glare, "I don't have to 'take a leak' as you put it. Privacy is all I need."

"Right, privacy," Nero said with a cock of his head, "No judgements here." Vergil let out one last grumble as he left for the bathroom. His brothers made their way to the bar where they ordered their beer and some pizza as they waited for their contacts.

"I still don't see why we have to work with some amateurs on this job!"

Dante and Nero turned to see the Black Lagoon crew walk into the bar. Rather three of them walked in. Revy preferred to storm. "Who knows Revy they might be a good group of gunslingers, maybe better than Two Hands," said dutch trying to console his furious teammate. "Be ready for anything." "Like hell I am, Dutch!" she raged. "I bet they are some loser fucks who can't tell the difference from a gun and their choads!"

As they continued to walk through the door, a man was thrown through the window. The guy got up and yelled, "Bao what the fuck!?" Bao shouted to the man, "I told you already shithead not to shoot your gun at the bar! Now fuck off!"

The crew found a table to wait for their contacts, while Revy went to the bar to order their drinks. Bao only greeted Revy with a glare, "I hope to are not planning to cause me more trouble, Revy!" "Jesus Bao, its just a meeting today," said Revy, "Don't get your panties in a twist."

Revy and Bao began arguing back and forth about the best drink to have on a hot day, all the while with Dante and Nero watching them. Dante couldn't help but be reminded of some of the women he'd worked with before: Trish, Lucia, Lady. Revy looked like she'd fit in with any one of them. Nero was also looking at her. He never saw a woman wear so little clothing. He visualized his own girlfriend in that outfit, which brought a small smile to his face. Revy noticed the two men ogling her.

"You queers see something you like," she said turning to look at them. "Well, you do remind me of a few people I've worked with," Dante said, trying to come off as friendly. Nero chimed in after him. "I was just thinking what my girlfriend would look like if she dressed like you."

"Girlfriend, huh," Revy said with a casual smirk, "And here I was taking you for an eccentric gay couple." Nero smirked back, "Hey, I don't have to take this from some cracked-up gutter skank."

"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY," She raged. Nero looked back at his brother, "Dante, tell her what I said. I don't think she heard me right." Dante looked up from his pizza, "I'm staying out of this. I just want my pizza." Nero let out an exasperated sigh,"I called you a skank. Because you're a dirty, dirty skank." Revy stood up, pulling out her steel cutlasses and aiming them at Nero. "Say your prayers faggot," she yelled pulling both triggers. Nero dodged the shots and put Blue Rose to Revy's head and said with a smirk that now seemed devilish "Don't try my patience little girl."

What the two of them hadn't noticed was that when Nero dodged Revy's bullets, they cut the slice of pizza at the crust out of Dante's hand just as he was about to take the first bite. Dante couldn't believe this. What was pizza without the crust? Just a baked abortion with cheese and sauce. Dante felt a rage inside him that he felt many times. Like the time when a demon stomped on his pizza, or when he tripped and lost his pizza down a storm drain, or when his brothers convinced him to give his pizza to a starving child. But through the years, Dante learned a way to cope with these setbacks: he whipped out his trusty shotgun, the Coyote-A and began shooting at the object of his displeasure.

Dante was feeling slightly more rational this time, however, so he decided to simply make sure she understood his pain. He aimed his shotgun at her favorite glass of Bacardi, pulled the trigger, and blew out the bottom of the glass, splattering it's contents all over the bar. Revy was briefly in shock over what Dante did, but soon snapped out of it and aimed one of her guns at him while Dante had put away the shotgun, in favor of his prefered weapons: Ebony and Ivory, aiming them squarely at her head.

"This means war asshole," Dante and Revy shouted to each other. Shots rang out from either side as their bullets collided with each other in mid-air. Revy couldn't believe what was happening. She was always an excellent shot, but now she was missing at point blank range. Stranger still was that none of Dante's bullets seemed to hit her.

"You got spunk, little girl, but thats no substitute for style," jeered Dante. As if to taunt her, he threw one of his guns up into the air, freeing up one of his hands.  
With his free hand, he snapped his fingers, changing his fighting strategy to Gunslinger, catching his gun after he finished.

Dante's first move upon doing so, he kicked the nearest table into Revy, forcing her to dive-roll to the side. This was a mistake, because it put her in a more open area where Dante could jump over her to perform his Rain Storm move. It was only Revy's lightning-fast reflexes that saved her from a bullet hell. the loose bullets from the spin attack brought destruction to the poor tables and any exposed areas.

"Holy shit," she screamed as she pushed herself backwards, sliding on her back across the floor. She yelled her teammates for help, "Hey, Dutch! How 'bout some help here?!"

"You started this damn mess, you finish it," he yelled from his cover.

Bao was more furious than usual this time, since he actually asked nicely for a gunfight not to start. He tried his best to end the chaos, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.

"God dammit! I said no gunfights!"

He noticed the shots from their guns were getting dangerously close to his brand new jukebox.

"No, no, no! Not the jukebox! The damn thing cost me a fortune!"

His plea's did no good as the bullets hit the jukebox right in the center. Despite the damage, the jukebox played song that happened to play was Narrow Escape by Celldweller. A song that was sure to get the blood of any trigger-happy psycho flowing fast. "Alright, now we're talkin'," Nero said, brandishing his Blue Rose revolver.

Before any more bullets started flying all hell broke loose. At first, there was a loud screech, followed by a gust of sand. As soon as the sand subsided, what stood in the room was the stuff of nightmares. It stood almost seven feet tall, clad in a black robe. A hood was draped over it's head, but it's skeletal face was perfectly visible. In it's hand, it held a scythe that looked like it was made of a malevolent, blue light.

Everyone in the bar's heart stopped as soon as they saw it.

"What the hell is that thing?!" Benny yelled from his cover. Dante looked the monster over, "That, my friend, is a Hell Vanguard. And they're a pain in the ass to kill."

Everyone who had a gun in the bar snapped out of their stupor and immediately their mercenary instincts kicked in as they started emptying their clips into the Hell Vanguard.

The Hell Vanguard wasn't a happy camper about that and let loose another loud screech as it charged at the nearest group of mercenaries, cleanly cutting them all in half in one swing. Blood flew around the room which made the guns for hire start to panic. One merc pulled out a grenade, primed it to throw but was met by a ghost blade in his stomach. The merc's body was carried into the air from the brute strength of the Vanguard, stuck on the end of the blade. He coughed up some blood and perished on the spot.

The merc dropped the grenade which the demon threw away, paying it no mind. It let out another horrible screech, now sounding more like a laugh when the grenade it threw away came bouncing back to it's feet. The Vanguard looked at it curiously before it exploded. Everyone not in cover was blown away. When the smoke cleared, the Vanguard was still standing, not completely unfazed by the blast, but still very mad. It turned to the grenade's thrower: Dante, who himself was very mad.

"That's enough. You've had your fun, now it's time to face the music." When he finished speaking, the jukebox, which had been damaged in the explosion, slowly sputtered until it stopped completely . This suited Revy, Dante and Nero just fine. Even Dutch came out of his cover for this one.

"This is my kind of jam," Dutch said, cocking his revolver.

"Decided to join us after all, huh," Revy said, coming out of her cover, cutlasses at the ready with a smile that would make the grim reaper shiver in fear. Nero and Dante, however, holstered their guns and drew their swords.

"You're going to want use some kind of melee weapon on it," Nero informed them, "It'll be much easier to kill that way."

"Sorry, queer: we don't have any melee weapons," Revy said, unsettlingly calm.

"I brought mine," Dutch said, brandishing a trench knife and fitting his knuckles into the grooves. Bao came out from behind his bar and tossed Revy his machete. She caught it without turning to look.

"You break my damn machete I'll…"

Bao could finish his thought, as Revy turned her death stare to him. Bao was no coward, but he knew better than to mess with anyone who looked like that. He gave her a stern glare and hid back behind his bar. The jukebox started to sputter then died again making Bao curse loudly. The four of them readied to attack the demon.

"If you want to, you can still back out," Dante said to the two full-blooded humans. Revy steadied herself for an attack. "Not a chance, dick brain. I want that thing dead."

"You're a filthy gutter skank, but at least you're a brave one," Nero said, revving up his blade's built-in throttle. The two humans were surprised by that, but dwelled on the more important matter of the demon in the center of them.

Rock who was watching from behind the bar yelled his support, "Revy be careful!" Benny pulled his associate back into cover. Revy smiled in appreciation for him before turning her attention back to the Vanguard which had been standing still the whole time, surveying it's targets.

Though not articulate, it was not stupid. It knew that the two easiest targets would be the humans, but then that would further infuriate the devil boys, who it knew did now stand for human slaughter. As the four attackers tensed up to attack, the Vanguard knew it was out of attack strategies and went with it's only sensible option. It was about to teleport out of their midst, until it became engulfed in a white and blue blur that came outta nowhere and the Hell Vanguards whole body fell into pieces.

When it burst into sand and disappeared, The four who remained standing saw Vergil standing there, Yamato unsheathed. Vergil sheathed his sword and looked around the room with dismay. He took in the broken tables and the bullet-riddled walls to the body parts and gore all over, "I'm gone for twenty minutes and look at what happens. You turn a simple meeting into a fiasco...In the name of our father, what is wrong with you?

"I guess shit just happens while you're not around," said Dante, nonchalantly.

"This only happens because you two degenerates instigate these things," Vergil spat back at his brothers.

"Don't look at me, I had almost nothing to do with this," Nero said.

"Nero!"

Everyone in the room cringed when they heard that voice, sweet as it was. Nero in particular. It was the voice of the one person who he'd ever stay in line for: his girlfriend, Kyrie. And she was using the voice when she was upset with him. To Vergil, this was just too good to miss. Seeing his brother cringe after making a mess of their business arrangements.

Kyrie had changed since her time with the Order of the Sword. No longer was she just the sweet singer that she was for the years Nero had known her. After the incident with Sanctus the leader of the Order, Nero thought it necessary to teach her how to defend herself. he attire she normally wore was replaced by combat gear with a sword on her back and a revolver under her arm. She still wore the necklace Nero gave her and got a minor haircut. Despite her experiences in traveling with Nero to hunt demons, she still kept her kind and serene face. Just not right now as she was angrily approaching him about this current situation.

"Kyrie, listen: it's not what it looks like," Nero tried to explain to her. His pleas fell on deaf ears. "Not what it looks like? Look at this! Corpses everywhere! Weapons drawn! What do you think this looks like? You got into another fight, didn't you," she admonished him. Dante decided to try and save Nero from Kyrie's wrath.

"Well, it wasn't entirely his fault," he began until Kyrie snapped her attention to him.

"Are you saying you were involved in this?"

"No. Not at all," Dante decided to give up, lest he face her as well.

Benny and Rock came out from their cover behind the bar, feeling it safe now that the action was over.

"Well, this was fun," Benny said as he and Rock walked along the perimeters of the building, not wanting to get at all close to the gunslingers, "But we have to go now, right, Revy?"

"Yeah," Rock continued, "We have to go meet some associates now."

Their path was blocked by a bullet shot by Revy who stood there with the same dead eyes she'd had. "We're going nowhere. Balalaika said to meet here, and we're staying whether these queers like it or not," she said indicating the DMC crew. Dante drew the manila envelope from his trenchcoat.

"Funny, we were told to meet some associates here as well and give them these documents," Nero said. "Strange coincidence, isn't it," Dante added. Vergil rolled his eyes at his brothers, "They're the ones that we were supposed to meet up with, you fools!"

That surprised the crew to say the least, but what was more surprising was when Revy started laughing about it. "You fag wipes are our contacts? Hahaha!"


End file.
